Living through an experience where you completely lose yourself is terrifying. It is the hollow sensation of wondering if you will ever feel secure within yourself again, spending days searching through the dark just to find that spark hiding in the furthest corner of your mind.

When we let people’s energy affect our moods, it can distort the way we view ourselves.

The Cognition of Behaivior

During a recent counselling session, one statement stood out:

“It it crazy how peoples behaiviors affects ours”

Something that makes you think, as it is so true but such a small statement to sum up the entirety of the change that happened within your body. Happening to the majority of us, as humans are made for love and connection.

But sometimes that other person doesn’t know how to meet you on your level and give you the energy your soul craves. Meaning that there is a mismatch that both relationships need to decide they want to fix.

During periods of prolonged stress, the human mind converts into survival mode. It triggers an automatic defense mechanism designed to keep us safe from danger, but it leaves running on an empty autopilot

I Wasn’t Lazy, My Nervous System Was in Survival Mode

This causes an autopilot mode of never truly feeling like yourself.

Asking

“what is wrong with me?”

During this time, you may fall out of the things that were once loved, craving that attention from another and for them to finally see and understand you for who you are.

You get so caught up in worrying about them and their needs that you forget yours. The writing that lets you express yourself, the simple care for yourself. Our energy levels drop as we put our focus on another.

The Subtle Shift in Connection

Being with a toxic friend, lover or family member in your environment. They begin to change your internal narrative, they shift your perspective a small part every day until one day you realise you don’t recognise yourself anymore.

Whether they do this conciously or subconciously, our brains are wired by trust. We get pulled in. The care, laughter and the validation shown at the beginning of the relationship slowly evaporates. When the good times stop and communicatrion becomes non existant, our minds naturally go into survival mode and take a step backwards. This then turns to inward self talk, questioning the way you love and worth.

Overanalysis

Due to the fact that things that may be said can change our internal wiring, thoughts can repeat and repeat until we get the correct answer in our heads.

This can reply in our heads and become a fact.

Like a silly song playing over and over again.

It becomes addictive and memorable.

Just like that, the thoughts that once crossed our minds become who we believe we are.

The Clean Break

How can we get back to ourselves, if we are already lost?

Cutting out all of the whispers and doubts from external things that have been changing our behaviours. It means taking a clean break to let the peace settle.

Sometimes, it gets taken away from you and hurts for the first moment, as our brains and nervous system were so used to the pattern that survival mode became our new baseline for a period of time. Like ripping a band-aid off a cut for the first time. It stings for a minute, but after that, the stinging stops.

It is the same with your nervous system after being in survival mode for so long. The adrenaline and stress finally stop, and the nervous system goes into overdrive, wondering what just happened that the newfound safety vanished. But after a while, we begin to understand what it was exactly that made us feel that way. A sense of peace returns, but the question still lingers.

How will I find me again?

The reawakening

Looking back at your life before is a great way to start. Realising what used to give so much joy before the person. Adding in hobbies every single day to let that inner spark see the light.

The relationship didn’t break your blueprint; it simply taught you exactly what you will no longer tolerate. You didn’t lose who you were. You had just temporarily forgotten

Probably the most important part as being a human coming back to yourself.

The reawakening of you

“Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor” – Auguste Comte

But most importantly

Its about looking at what is already there, even though it may have cracks in it or shattered.

Putting the pieces back together doesn’t just make the same person, but a stronger one.

Remember, it all starts with self love

-M