I started writing this as a lifeline for someone I cared for deeply. But as the pieces shattered and the dust settled, the realization hit: it was actually a map to finding myself again.

1. The Downfall of Society
2. How Struggles Turn into a Double Life
3. How We Change People
4. Building That Trust Back Within Ourselves

“Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor”

This quote proves that Stoicism in philosophy is the exact way to look at life. You cannot make a beautiful life without walking through the dark and figuring out exactly who you are—a self-actualization of yourself, the highest version of yourself.

But this isn’t so perfect, as life is full of hardships. It is a winding road of ups and downs, building up character and shaping us into the most peaceful version of ourselves. Not the most beautiful, because nothing is.

Everyone has dark struggles that we don’t see, and even if we are the person who is trusted the most, it can still be hard for them to open up. This causes more obstacles and growth within your relationship with yourself and others.

The Downfall of Society

Because of the dark parts of reality, you can lose yourself just trying to survive another day. And just by trying to make it through, the people around you whom you love can be affected.

Even though it is a strange normality of life, something that you are struggling with is often not something you share until it breaks you.

That part is the downfall of society.

Having people go through struggles that shouldn’t have to be fought alone until they are at rock bottom is tragic. It should be the opposite: the love we share with people and the strong forces that are built when people come together and work on the same issue are infinite. The struggle would become increasingly less heavy because the struggler wouldn’t be the only one carrying the weight of this heavy life.

How Struggles Turn into a Double Life

The hardest part about struggling is not just carrying the weight alone; it is the lying and the double life that come along with pretending to be okay.

The double life becomes the only way you are able to survive, and the two worlds merge into one in the person’s head. They believe they can be one thing and another at the same time, and everything will work out okay.

The worst part about a double life and the social norms that we have today is the people we hurt along the way…

How We Change People

Based on our struggles and double lives, we begin to lose sight of what happens to the loved ones around us.

The path to the truth becomes so dark and foggy that there is no way to separate the truth of your struggle from the lie that you are telling yourself. During this period before hitting rock bottom, we break the people around us slowly and silently. The wires we just can’t seem to uncross in our brains all cause invisible hurt to the ones we love, as this produces uncertainty and insecurities.

The ones who are there for us, who want to listen and understand us, can be blindsided by the happiest part of society…

Love.

The part within us that craves the understanding of another person is the human part where we, alone, cannot live without another soul. The truth about love is that it isn’t just the easy part—the fuzzy warmth and the big hug. Anyone can love you when things are parallel. True love is a choice you make when everything gets ugly. It’s looking at the hidden parts, the mistakes, and the double life, and realizing that your heart hasn’t changed its mind about who you are underneath the fog. It’s a quiet, gritty promise to face the waves together, simply because I choose to.

The trust that comes along with love can sometimes be intertwined with other feelings of happiness, curiosity, sadness, or shame. It is within these feelings that we learn that nothing in this world is ever parallel, and everything is filled with waves.

Maybe the only person who can lay a solid foundation is ourselves.

Building That Trust Back Within Ourselves

This part is usually the hardest: stepping back from the struggle to see the wider picture. Yet, you are still a part of it—the progress, the plan, the finish.

Because you love the person struggling.

Even through that journey, a part of you may realise that the things you used to enjoy are lost within the struggle and pain caused. The brain just has to put them to the back for a while.

But maybe, as people, the best thing we can do is strengthen the love within ourselves?

It is true that we can’t love somebody until we love ourselves.

So, is that true with trust? Can we not trust anybody until we trust ourselves?

That is one thing I am in the process of finding out. I am stepping back and seeing the whole picture for what it is—processing the parts that were not conscious to me at the time of the invisible struggle, and finding the peace within myself to go and live the way I used to. Discovering what makes you happy, what makes you sad, and learning to love yourself.

That doesn’t mean you are selfish for wanting to improve yourself for the situation at hand. Maybe that’s what the struggle needs in order to end: a version of me that can see the whole picture for what it is.

A version of me who is willing to fight for myself, no matter what.

Remember, it all starts with self love

-M