Who am I?

A question that stayed in my head for years. I didn’t know what career I wanted or where my life was going. I kept thinking about different paths, wondering what actually felt like me. Everyone else seemed to know their direction, but I didn’t.

For a long time, that uncertainty felt like it had me in a chokehold. I felt disconnected from myself, like I was watching my own life without fully belonging to it. The shame, guilt, anxiety, and confusion all came up whenever I tried to go back to the version of myself I used to be.

After struggling with my mental health, I started to turn toward self-awareness and spirituality. That became my escape, but also my way back to myself. Writing became one of the only places where I could be honest and vulnerable. Through it, I started to feel more alive, like I was slowly reconnecting with who I was.

Learning about the mind

In September 2025, I started a counselling skills course. I wanted to understand people better, but also to understand myself. I didn’t know much about psychodynamic theory, CBT, or humanistic approaches at the time; I just wanted to know why we think the way we think.

Psychodynamic theory stood out to me the most. It made me realise that I am a product of my history. The things I had buried didn’t disappear; they were still influencing me underneath everything. What I thought was “breaking” was actually things being brought to the surface.

During this time, I felt like I had shattered. I blamed everything around me for how I felt and believed there was something wrong with me. My thoughts became overwhelming, and even simple decisions felt impossible. It felt like I had entered a void, no noise, just my own mind looping endlessly.

Trying to make sense of it.

CBT gave me structure when everything felt chaotic. It helped me notice patterns in my thinking, like cognitive distortions, and understand how my uncertainty about the future could trigger a freeze response in my body.
But I also started to see the limits of constantly analysing myself. When you are naturally reflective, too much awareness can turn into overthinking, and overthinking can turn into self-sabotage.

Gestalt theory helped me shift focus. The idea of the “here and now” reminded me to come back to the present instead of living in the past or the future. It helped me realise how often I was speaking about myself as if I were still the girl I used to be, instead of who I am now.

Supervision and support

During my course, I learned about supervision, the idea of having formal support and reflection in counselling practice. For me, this became more than theory. It became something I needed to understand in my own life.

I realised that human experience is not meant to be carried alone. When I felt like I was spiralling or stuck in my own mind, I understood how important it is to have structure, reflection, and support outside of myself.

Becoming

Over time, something shifted. I stopped seeing myself only as “the girl” and started stepping into “I”.

I realised I had always been there underneath everything.

A girl who is logical, analytical, sensitive, and reflective. A girl who values clarity, growth, confidence, and understanding. A girl who didn’t lose herself but had to find her way back to herself again.

Makia was created for the girl who didn’t know who she was, yet the girl who felt stuck in her own mind, searching for something she couldn’t name.
But now, Makia isn’t just an escape anymore. It has become part of my empowerment. A place where I don’t have to pretend to be anyone else.

I no longer need to escape because I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin.

Who I am

I am still becoming.
But I am not lost.
I am aware.
I am grounded.
I am power.
And for the first time, I am learning to trust that.

Remember, it all starts with self-love.

— M