I used to believe that I was an open book as I had nothing to hide, but really, I was just narrating feelings that I had already concealed in the back of my mind. Emotional availability is different it is letting someone meet you where you still don’t have all of the answers.

The majority of us, on a healing journey or not. All begin at a place of oversharing or people pleasing. Possibly as a way to fit in or feel like you are close to the people in your close proximity. That is something I struggled with for a long time.

This blog post is for anyone that can relate to people pleasing to an extent- written from the heart.

Why people pleasing feels like connection (but isn’t)

People pleasing can often feel like a connection to individuals, as it is a coping mechanism to gain validation, avoid rejection and maintain a sense of control.

With trying to people please it comes from a place of uncertainty and not belonging within certain social circles. It can feel like a connection as we gain a sense of control over perceiving how people judge us or have an opinion.

But in reality, it’s a false sense of safety because instead of building relationships rooted in authenticity, we build them around who we think we need to be. Over time, that habit silences our true emotions and replaces genuine connection with performance.

The Makia Perspective

For me, I felt like boundaries did not exist I was an open book. Ready to tell anyone about my journey of life that I have experienced so far, because I felt it was safer just to be honest than to set up boundaries for peoples perspectives of me to be positive.

Maybe this is because I was on a healing journey working through all of my trauma that at the time it helped me to process exactly what happened and why it occurred in my life. But the storytelling was there always having people engrossed in what I had to say. I never had any feeling behind the things that came out of my mouth, I was very monotone and thought that this meant I had worked through my trauma.

Recently, I realised that I have my own boundaries and my own opinions. I do not feel comfortable sharing details about my life unless I feel extremely comfortable with the other person. Ever since I began going to a course where everyone is deep and makes you think about the person that you are.

Because maybe I didn’t know exactly who I was and people pleasing helped me feel connected to my peers. It was my way of truly belonging before I learned to belong to myself.

Emotional availability and self-connection

Emotional availability, I’ve learned, isn’t about how much you share it’s about how much you feel. For so long, I could tell my story from start to finish without flinching, but I wasn’t truly in it anymore. I had built a safe distance between myself and my emotions. It’s easy to mistake that for strength, but sometimes it’s just self-protection wearing confidence as a mask.

Real emotional availability means letting yourself be seen in moments when the outcome isn’t guaranteed. It’s choosing to show up as you are, not as who you think people want you to be. It’s uncomfortable, vulnerable, and freeing all at once.

When you begin to form boundaries, you realise they don’t make you cold or distant they make you authentic. They protect the parts of you that are still soft, while allowing real connection to grow through honesty, not performance. It’s no longer about being liked by everyone, but being true to yourself around anyone.

Conclusion: Finding Belonging Within Yourself

I think there comes a point in everyone’s healing where you stop trying to be understood and start understanding yourself. That shift from seeking validation to building self-trust is where genuine belonging begins.

People pleasing, oversharing, and being the “open book” version of yourself might once have felt like safety. But real peace comes when you realise you don’t need to prove your worth through openness you can simply be.

I’m learning that the more I honour my emotions, the more I attract connections that feel aligned, not forced. And maybe that’s the quiet beauty of growth: you stop chasing approval and start coming home to yourself.

Remember, it all starts with self love

-M

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