Have you ever noticed how being surrounded by the right people instantly makes your whole body relax?
It’s like something in you exhales the tension, the weight that had been on your shoulders. There’s a peace that runs deeper than words. You feel no fear, no overthinking, no second-guessing. Just contentment. Happiness. A quiet joy about the world around you.

It’s that floating on a cloud feeling the complete opposite to how it feels to be with someone who doesn’t calm your nervous system. The ones who make you feel drained or like you have to pretend to be someone else just to feel accepted. When you finally step away from that kind of energy, your body knows the difference before your mind even catches up.

And here’s the fascinating part: this phenomenon isn’t just emotional. It’s biological.
What’s happening inside you is your nervous system regulating, finding safety again through connection.

The Science of Connection

Our nervous system is constantly analysing our environment for cues of safety or danger. This process is known as neuroception. It’s not something we consciously control it’s deeply wired into us.

When you’re around people who make you feel comfortable, the body picks up on little invisible signals such as eye contact and breathing patterns . Your nervous system “talks” to theirs through communication, eye contact, and physical proximity.

When one person helps you to manage stress and emotions this tells your brain, I’m safe here.

The limbic system, which is responsible emotion and memory, then sends signals that calm your stress response. Your body begins releasing oxytocin, the bonding hormone often called the “love hormone.” It slows your heart rate, softens tension, and brings that warm sense of connection.

This is where Polyvagal Theory comes in a framework developed by Dr. Stephen Porges that connects our nervous system to our emotions and social behavior. It explains how humans evolved not to survive alone, but through each other. Safety is found in connection. Regulation happens through relationship.

We’re literally designed to soothe and heal each other.

The Wrong Energy Dysregulates You

Of course, the opposite is also true. When you’re around people whose energy does not match yours or is simply off – unpredictable, critical, or emotionally unavailable -your nervous system senses danger, even if your mind can’t explain why.

You may be left feeling anxious, hypervigilant or in a complete shut down mode. Like all of your joy gets drained without warning.

I remember an old friend that I had, had the energy that I am describing. I had not come across someone so incompatible with my energy. We hung out a couple of times and on paper the friendship looked great: we laughed, had fun together but something within m e always felt it was drained when I came home. I would cancel plans with friends. All because my nervous system was dysregulated.

It wasn’t until later that I realised my nervous system didn’t feel safe around them. Their energy, their unpredictability, their words something in my body recognised it as a threat, even though my brain was trying to convince me that it “should” be fine.

That’s the thing your body always knows first.

When your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, it activates protection mode. It makes you withdraw, overthink, or shut down emotionally, all in an effort to keep you safe. And when this happens too often, it’s not just tiring it’s damaging. It keeps you in survival mode instead of connection mode.

The Right People Heal You

Then there are the people who feel like sunlight after the storm. The ones whose presence grounds you instantly.

With them, you don’t have to explain or prove yourself. You can just be. Your laughter feels easy, your thoughts flow freely, and your body relaxes naturally. You leave those moments feeling lighter like your energy has been topped up instead of drained.

That’s co-regulation in action. It’s your nervous system syncing with another person’s calm. Their presence tells your body, “You’re safe. You can rest now.”

Sometimes, healing doesn’t come from doing more or fixing yourself. It comes from being around people who make your system feel at peace.

I’ve started noticing this more and more in my own life. Lately, things have shifted I’ve been surrounded by people who make me feel calm, loved, and free to be the best version of myself. My world feels brighter, my creativity flows again, and I wake up with gratitude for the people who truly get me.

It’s not about how long you’ve known them or how often you see them. It’s about how your body feels in their presence.

Because that’s what safety really is not a word, not a promise, but a feeling.

Listen to What Your Body Knows

We often ignore our body’s signals because our mind tells us a different story.
We say things like, “They’re not that bad,” or “Maybe I’m just being sensitive.”
But your nervous system doesn’t lie.

It remembers. It feels. It knows who makes you tense up and who helps you breathe easier.

The truth is, being with the right people isn’t just emotionally nourishing it’s physiologically healing. Your body thrives on safety, warmth, and love. And when you spend time with those who bring that energy into your life, your nervous system slowly learns that it no longer has to be on guard all the time.

You begin to feel joy more easily. You start to trust life again. You come home to yourself.

Final Thoughts

The greatest blessing isn’t a perfect life it’s having people around you who make your nervous system feel safe enough to experience peace.

So pay attention.
Notice who makes you breathe easier. Who helps you feel grounded. Who makes you feel light.
And just as importantly who leaves you feeling tense, tired, or drained.

Your nervous system is always speaking to you.
Learn to listen.
Because it always knows before you do.

Remember, it all starts with self love

-M

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