Recently, I went through an experience that made me slow down and look at myself on a much deeper level. I thought I already understood who I was and how I interacted with people, but this journey showed me that there is so much more beneath the surface. It wasn’t just about learning new tools or ideas it was about meeting myself honestly, sometimes uncomfortably, and choosing to grow.

Seeing Myself More Clearly

I used to believe self-awareness simply meant “knowing how I feel.” But I’ve realised it’s more about asking why I react the way I do, what influences my thoughts, and how my past experiences shape how I show up in relationships. Looking at myself from this angle wasn’t always easy. It was surprisingly simple to list all the things “wrong” with me, but difficult to recognise my strengths.

That realisation alone changed something in me. Why is kindness to others easier than kindness to myself? I started focusing on what makes me unique my ability to reflect, my curiosity, my willingness to grow and I stopped seeing my flaws as weaknesses, but as areas to understand.

Understanding myself better has helped me understand others more gently, without judgement. I now see self-awareness as the foundation of healthy connection. If I don’t understand myself, how can I fully understand anyone else?

Being Fully Present with Others

Something powerful shifted in me when I realised how rare it is to be truly present with another person. Not half-listening. Not planning what to say next. Not jumping in with advice. Just… being there.

I used to think I was a good listener, and in many ways I was. But I started noticing little habits my mind wandering, filling silences too quickly, or trying to “fix” things. I realised that being present isn’t passive, it’s an active choice. It takes focus, patience and emotional stability.

I learned that sometimes the most powerful thing I can give someone is not my words, but my full attention. When someone feels seen and safe, they open up in a completely different way. Presence communicates: You matter. I’m with you.

That understanding has deepened all my relationships.

Responding with Empathy, Not Just Sympathy

One of my biggest lessons was the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy stands on the outside

“I feel sorry for you.”

Empathy steps in closer“ I may not fully understand, but I’m here beside you.”

I realised I often rushed in with reassurance or solutions, which can actually shut people down. Now, I try to reflect back what they feel, give them space, and allow silence. I practice holding the moment instead of trying to change it.

This shift has made my connections more real and safe. It has also challenged me to sit with discomfort, both mine and theirs. Empathy is not easy but it is powerful.

The Difference Between Helping as a Friend and Helping in a Role

One thing that surprised me was understanding the difference between informal support (like being there for a friend) and offering support in a more structured role. On the surface, it might look similar we listen, we care, we try to understand. But the boundaries are completely different.

In everyday relationships, support goes both ways. There’s mutual sharing, advice, opinions, personal involvement. But in a structured helping role, the focus is entirely on the other person. There are boundaries, clear expectations, responsibilities and limits. It’s not a casual conversation. It’s a safe container.

This made me appreciate how much responsibility there is in holding space for someone. It’s not just about being kind—it’s about being consistent, trustworthy, and safe.

Ethics and Personal Values Matter More Than Techniques

Something I didn’t expect to think so deeply about is ethics. Not in a “rules and regulations” way, but in the sense of values: respect, dignity, honesty, boundaries, confidentiality, non-judgement. I learned that it’s these values—not just skills—that make someone truly trustworthy.

I realised that who I am as a person matters more than anything I say. My attitude, my energy, my intentions… people can feel all of it. To truly support someone, I need to be genuine, open, and grounded.

It’s not about trying to be perfect. It’s about being real.

Understanding the Complexity of Privacy

One thing that really made me think was the idea of confidentiality. At first it seems straightforward keep things private. But in reality, it can be complicated. What if someone is in danger? What if safety is at risk? What if keeping a secret could cause harm?

Balancing trust with responsibility is not always easy. It made me realise that protecting someone’s story is a serious commitment. In close relationships, information can easily spread. But in a safe space, privacy isn’t just expected it’s essential.

This helped me see why boundaries and trust go hand in hand.

The Self I Found Along the Way

This experience has changed the way I see myself. I no longer rush to fill silence. I listen differently. I notice my internal reactions. I am more patient with others and with myself. I’m learning that I don’t have to have all the answers I just have to be present and real.

The “self” that has emerged is more aware, more grounded, and more compassionate.

Moving Forward

I’m still learning. I still have moments where I interrupt, overthink, or fall into old habits. But now, I’m aware and awareness is the beginning of change. I see growth not as a destination, but as a constant unfolding.

If there’s one thing I’m taking with me, it’s this:

Being there for others starts with being connected to myself.

Because at the end of the day, the most powerful thing we can offer anyone…
is a safe, understanding, authentic version of ourselves.

Remember, it all starts with self love

-M

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