Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how much things are changing.

Being 20 feels… different

Like, really different. It’s this weird mix of excitement and fear, nostalgia and panic, and I’m not sure how to explain it without sounding dramatic, but here goes.

When you’re a teenager, life feels endless. There’s this weird, careless energy you’re living in the moment, thinking about friends, school, parties, and all the little firsts that make growing up feel like an adventure. And then suddenly, you’re 20, and it hits you: you will never be a teenager again. Ever. Those moments are gone forever. The inside jokes, the late nights, the stupid little arguments with your friends that felt like the end of the world—poof. Gone.

And it’s not just memories. There’s this physical shift too. I’ll never need my mum to drive me to Tesco again. I’ll never rely on someone else for the tiny, everyday things that made life comfortable. Suddenly, independence isn’t something abstract, it’s a fact. It’s inescapable. And it’s scary.

I catch myself thinking about the future more than I ever have before. Jobs. Responsibilities. Bills. Where I’m going to live. What I’m going to do with my life. These thoughts can spiral pretty fast. One minute, I’m thinking, “Okay, I’ve got this,” and the next, it’s like my brain is screaming, “But what if you fail? What if you pick the wrong path? What if everything goes wrong?”

I know it sounds dramatic, but honestly, growing up feels like standing on the edge of a cliff you can’t see the bottom of. You can look back and see the solid ground of your teenage years, but the future is a blur. And the blur is exciting in some ways you can do anything but terrifying in others because you suddenly realise how much responsibility there is for yourself. No one’s going to pick you up or tell you what to do anymore. It’s all on you.

The weirdest part is how little things make me feel it. Driving, for example. I think about learning to drive, getting my license, and suddenly realising that no one else will take me places. I’ll have to figure it out on my own. That thought alone can spiral into bigger ones, like how I’m going to handle a full-time job, rent, or managing my life when everything feels so uncertain.

I guess part of this is just growing up. You start seeing life in a different way. Time feels faster, and the little moments you never thought about before suddenly feel precious. I catch myself looking at my friends, my family, even myself, and thinking: we’re changing, whether we want to or not. Life doesn’t wait. It keeps moving, and it expects you to keep up.

But here’s the thing: it’s not all bad. There’s a freedom in being 20 that I didn’t have before. I can make my own choices, explore who I am, and figure out what really matters to me. I don’t have to follow the path someone else set out. I can try new things, meet new people, travel, and create a life that feels like mine. That’s exciting. Really exciting.

It’s just… overwhelming sometimes. The more I think about the future, the more it hits me that I don’t have time to waste. I want to figure things out now, but life doesn’t give you a neat roadmap. You make mistakes, you stumble, and that’s normal, but my brain can’t help spiraling into the “what ifs.”

So what do I do with these thoughts? I try to remind myself that being 20 is just the start. It’s the bridge between who I was as a teenager and who I’m going to become. Sure, it’s scary, but it’s also the best time to start shaping my life the way I want it. To take risks, try things that scare me, and see what I’m capable of.

I think growing up is really just learning to balance that fear and excitement. To remember that while I can’t go back to being a teenager, I can carry the best parts of that time with me the fun, the curiosity, the small moments of joy and mix them with the independence and freedom of being an adult. That’s the sweet spot. That’s where life gets interesting.

So yes, being 20 is scary. Yes, the future is overwhelming. But it’s also full of possibilities. The trick is not to get lost in the “what ifs” or mourn the teenage years too much. Instead, I try to focus on the things I can control, the choices I can make, and the small steps I can take toward the life I want.

I’m learning to see the fear and excitement as two sides of the same coin. Life at 20 is like standing at the edge of a huge ocean, you don’t know what’s out there, but you can either freeze in fear or dive in and see where it takes you. And honestly? I think diving in is the only way to really live.

What about you? How did turning 20 or leaving your teenage years behind—feel for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories in the comments below.

Remember, it all starts with self love

-M