I used to think self-love was just something people said on Instagram. Something you wrote in a caption when you were feeling a bit better after a rough patch. But that’s not what it is. Not really. It’s deeper than that. It’s not always pretty. And it’s definitely not always easy.

There was a time in my life where I didn’t even want to be here. I didn’t feel connected to myself at all. I was constantly searching for something outside of me to make me feel okay. People, routines, achievements. But nothing was working. I felt lost. Empty. And like I didn’t belong anywhere.

That’s when I hit a point where I knew something had to change. Not the outside stuff. The inside.

I found therapy. I found meditation. I started sitting with myself in silence. At first it was awkward. Uncomfortable. My mind wouldn’t stop racing. But over time, something started to shift. I wasn’t running from my emotions anymore. I was listening. Actually listening.

That was the start of doing inner work. Real inner work. The kind where you stop blaming everyone else and start asking yourself why you keep ending up in the same place. The kind where you get honest. Where you cry. Where you write pages and pages trying to understand why your heart feels heavy.

It’s not cute work. It’s not aesthetic. But it’s powerful. It’s the reason I know who I am now.

I realised I had spent so long trying to be enough for other people that I didn’t even know what being enough meant to me. I was shaping myself to be what people expected. Quiet. Smart. Put together. But deep down I felt like I was screaming.

The version of me I was becoming wasn’t built on love. It was built on fear. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of being abandoned. Fear of being seen too much or not enough.

But when I started doing the inner work, I started meeting myself in the dark. I stopped hiding the parts of me I thought were too messy. I let them breathe. I sat with the pain instead of pushing it away. I forgave the version of me that didn’t know better. I gave her love instead of shame.

And slowly, I started to feel something I hadn’t felt in years. Peace.

Not the kind of peace that comes from everything going right. But the kind that comes from knowing who you are no matter what’s going on around you.

Self-love is not a destination. It’s not something you suddenly achieve one day. It’s a way of being. It’s how you speak to yourself in your head. It’s what you choose to tolerate. It’s what you say no to. It’s the boundaries you set. It’s the silence you allow. It’s the life you choose to create for yourself even when no one is clapping for you.

There are still days where I doubt myself. Still moments where I slip into old thoughts. But the difference now is that I don’t abandon myself when that happens. I come back. I breathe. I remind myself who I am.

Self-love changed my life. It didn’t make it perfect. But it made it real. And that’s more important to me than anything.

If you’re in a place where everything feels heavy or pointless, I just want you to know that you’re not broken. You don’t need fixing. You need love. And not the kind that comes from someone else. The kind that lives inside you already. The kind you uncover when you stop running and start feeling.

You are allowed to be a work in progress and still love yourself. You are allowed to have days where you don’t feel strong. You are allowed to start over as many times as you need.

Self-love is the foundation. Inner work is the path. And peace is the result.

Start small. Sit with yourself. Ask real questions. Let it be messy. Let it be honest.

Because when you start loving yourself properly, everything else starts to shift.

5 Steps to Start Self-Love – The Makia Way

1. Sit with yourself in silence
   Just be. No distractions. Not scrolling. Not music. Just you. This is where you hear what’s really going on inside. It’s uncomfortable at first but that’s where the truth is hiding.
2. Journal without overthinking
   Write whatever comes up. Even if it’s messy or doesn’t make sense. Let it pour out. You’ll find patterns and truths in your own words.
3. Talk to yourself kindly
   Notice how you speak in your head. Would you say that to someone you love? Change the tone. Be soft. Be kind. You’re the only person who hears every single thought.
4. Do one thing just for you
   Not because it’s productive. Not because someone else benefits. Just for you. It could be a walk. A bath. Watching the sun set. Something that reminds you that you matter.
5. Forgive your past self
   You did the best you could with what you knew. That version of you got you here. Don’t shame them. Thank them. Let them rest.

Remember, it all starts with self love

-M