A personal story of surrender, self-worth, and spiritual alignment

A Moment of Realization

There was a moment recently where I felt like I had tried everything—manifestation, mindset, journalling—but something was still missing. And that something… was God.

How I Found God in Secret After Years of Searching for Peace

Growing up, my family was never religious. In fact, any time the topic came up, it was quickly shut down as if religion was something we weren’t supposed to be involved in. I never had a faith foundation, and for the longest time, I thought I didn’t need one.

But after experiencing a traumatic brain injury in my early years — one that changed my life completely — I started searching for something deeper. For years, I couldn’t see the light in life. Everything felt heavy, confusing, and dark. That’s when I turned to spirituality. I tried crystals, journalling, meditation, energy work you name it, I did it.

And while parts of it helped, something was always missing. I was manifesting, but I was also overthinking. I kept wondering when my desires would show up, why things weren’t changing fast enough, and what else I needed to do. It didn’t bring me peace. It just brought more pressure.

Quietly, I began to pray in secret. At first, it felt strange — like I didn’t even know who I was talking to. But slowly, everything began to shift. I started saying things like, “I’m just grateful to be alive.” And for the first time, I felt real peace. A deep knowing that everything was going to be okay.

For a while, I kept this part of my life hidden. Only my mum knew. But even she wasn’t surprised — I’ve always been the one to do random, unexpected things. I’m a little odd like that.

Then something happened that changed everything.

One night, my mum turned to me and asked me to pray. Her best friend’s newborn baby was struggling to breathe — and she was scared. That night, I journalled. I prayed harder and longer than I ever had before. I sat with the thought of what it would feel like to lose a child… and I just cried. Tears rolled down my face uncontrollably, and I kept praying, believing, and releasing.

The next day, the baby was better. And soon after, they went home. She’s now a healthy, beautiful 6-month-old girl.

That was the moment I knew. This was what I had been looking for all along — peace, connection, and faith. Now I pray for my friends, for my family, and for anyone I feel needs it. And whenever I cry, I no longer see it as weakness. I see it as a release — a spiritual sign that something has shifted, and that the prayer has been heard.

The Return

But I didn’t return because I wanted to be religious. In fact, I didn’t even feel like I was returning to anything — because I never grew up with God in my life. I wasn’t raised in faith. There were no Sunday prayers, no scriptures on the wall, no bedtime talks with God. So for me, this wasn’t about going back. It was about finding something new… something that felt so familiar, it was as if I had known it all along.

Ever since I found God or maybe since He found me, I’ve felt like a completely different person. Not in a sudden, dramatic, movie-scene kind of way… but more like a quiet transformation. A slow unfolding.

For most of my life, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. My looks always triggered me. I wasn’t the “girly girl” that everyone else around me seemed to be growing into. I didn’t know how to be soft, how to be pretty, how to do my hair or makeup. Even when I tried, I felt like I was pretending. Like I was never enough — not feminine enough, not confident enough, not her. And that made me question myself more than I ever admitted.

But when I started leaning into my relationship with God, something shifted. I stopped caring so much about what I lacked. I stopped comparing myself to everyone else. I stopped performing. Because when I spoke to God, I was finally being seen. Not for my appearance, not for my achievements, but for my heart.

Finding God didn’t feel like a big, dramatic moment. It felt like walking into a room I had been trying to find my whole life. It felt like coming home — quietly, peacefully, finally.

And in that space, I didn’t have to prove anything. I could just be me.

How It’s Changed Me

Since choosing this path — this life of faith, peace, and alignment. I’ve felt so much less pressure to live up to what other people expect of me. It’s like I’ve finally released this invisible weight I was carrying around for so long. I don’t chase things like I used to. I just believe now that whatever is meant for me will simply find me.

And to be completely honest with you, all my life I wanted to be something “important.” I dreamed of being a diplomat. At one point, I even wanted to be a stock trader, I had these big titles in mind, thinking they’d make me feel fulfilled or worthy. And the other day, my mum said to me, “You’ve always wanted to do that — why give up?” followed by, “I feel like you’re wasting your smartness.”

And that hit me.

Because when I look back, it’s clear: everything I was doing in life was for her. The endless study sessions, the pressure to succeed, the constant effort to achieve what most people called “impossible” it wasn’t really for me. I was trying to fill a gap, to become what she didn’t get to have in her own life.

And honestly, that’s something I had to work through. It wasn’t easy to admit it. But once I did, it freed me.

Now, I know I’m on the right path. Even if it doesn’t look like what I once imagined, even if it doesn’t have a shiny job title, I trust that I’m exactly where I need to be. I trust the process now. I’ve stopped stressing about every little detail, and even though my ego still shows up sometimes (especially with the pressure of social media and what people my age are doing), I don’t let it lead anymore.

Now, I’m spirit-led

Affirmations

these are some of the affirmations that have kept me going when I feel drained or that I am “not good enough”

• God’s plan is greater than my own
• God and I are the co creators of this reality

Have you ever felt spiritually disconnected? What helped you realign?

Remember, it all starts with self love

-M