There was a time in my life when I thought I was lazy.

I thought something was wrong with me because I couldn’t focus, couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t “just get on with it.” I’d look at everyone else doing the things I couldn’t, and I’d spiral into shame.

But I wasn’t lazy.
I was in survival mode.

And if you’ve ever felt stuck, frozen, exhausted for no “logical” reason, I want you to know: you’re not broken. You might just be living in a nervous system that’s still trying to protect you from a world that once felt unsafe.

Let’s talk about it.

What Is Survival Mode?

Survival mode is what your body shifts into when it senses danger. It’s a biological response designed to keep you safe. Fight. Flight. Freeze. You might’ve heard those words before, but when you’re actually living in one of those states, it doesn’t feel like textbook trauma it just feels like something’s wrong with you.

And that’s where the shame kicks in.

What I didn’t realise is that trauma doesn’t have to come from one big event. It can come from a series of small things that added up: being in environments where you had to hide your feelings, where your needs weren’t met, where you didn’t feel emotionally safe.

For me, the trauma came after my brain injury and overdose. My body was in shock. My mind was fragile. My world had turned upside down. But from the outside? It just looked like I was sleeping too much, forgetting things, falling behind, losing motivation.

No one tells you how trauma rewires your entire system.

The Freeze Response Is Not Laziness

This is something I wish more people understood: the freeze response isn’t laziness it’s a survival response.

When the brain believes fight or flight won’t work, it shuts down. You disassociate. You numb out. You scroll for hours. You make to-do lists and don’t touch them. You cancel plans, not because you don’t care but because your body literally feels too heavy to move.

I used to beat myself up for this. I used to think I was wasting my life.

But now I see it differently:
I was surviving.
My body was protecting me the best way it knew how.

Signs You Might Be In Survival Mode

Here’s how it showed up for me and maybe it’ll sound familiar:

• You feel tired no matter how much you sleep
• You avoid tasks that feel overwhelming (even simple ones)
• You feel numb or emotionally disconnected
• You can’t focus for long periods
• You’re constantly anxious or on edge
• You feel guilty for not “doing enough”
• You procrastinate not out of laziness, but paralysis
• Your inner critic is LOUD

If that’s you please don’t shame yourself.
You’re not lazy.
You’re not failing.
You’re trying to feel safe again.

How I Started Regulating My Nervous System

Healing didn’t happen overnight.
There wasn’t one magical morning where I woke up and felt “normal” again. It happened slowly, gently, and honestly? Some days I still fall back into old patterns. But I’ve learned to meet myself with more compassion now. Here’s what helped me:

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1. Nervous System Education

Learning how the nervous system works changed the game for me. I realised my reactions weren’t personality flaws they were protective responses. Trauma lives in the body. And the body has to feel safe before it can heal.

2. Gentle Movement

When I was stuck in freeze mode, intense workouts made me feel worse. But gentle things like stretching, walking, dancing in my room started to bring me back to myself. Movement helps release stored trauma. I started asking my body: What do you need today? And I listened.

3. Nervous System Soothing Practices

• Cold water on my face when anxiety spiked
• Humming or singing to activate the vagus nerve
• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique when I felt dissociated
• Laying on the floor with one hand on my chest, one on my stomach, and just breathing

These things sound small, but they regulate the nervous system over time. They signal safety.

4. Compassionate Self-Talk

This one is still hard sometimes. But when I catch myself saying, “You’re so lazy,” I pause and ask: What would I say to a friend who felt like this? I’d never shame someone I love. So why do it to myself?

Healing starts with how we speak to ourselves.

5. Letting Go of Toxic Productivity Culture

We live in a world that glorifies burnout and calls it success. Hustle culture will convince you that rest is weakness. But listen to me:

Rest is not laziness.
Rest is resistance.
Rest is healing.

Your worth is not measured by how much you produce. You’re allowed to rest without earning it.

You’re Not Lazy, You’re Healing

I wrote this post for the version of me who cried because she couldn’t tick off a to-do list.
I wrote this for the version of me who thought she was falling behind in life.
I wrote this for you if you’ve ever felt like you’re the problem.

You’re not.

Your body is wise. Your nervous system has been carrying you through storms you never asked to weather. That isn’t weakness it’s strength.

And healing is possible. It’s not linear. It’s not always visible. But it’s happening, even on the days you feel like nothing’s changing.

Give yourself grace.
Give yourself time.
And most of all give yourself love.

Because the truth is:
You were never lazy.
You were just in survival mode.

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Remember, it all starts with self love

-M